U-Turn: a UU transman ponders sex, spirituality, and the power of stories

Predicting the future has always been a tricky job, even when it’s just five minutes into the future. Is it going to rain? Will I miss the bus? Will she say yes? Things rarely go exactly as we imagine them. I sometimes wonder if that’s because our imaginations just aren’t big enough. These past two weeks have held a series of unexpected moments for me, both good and - well, let’s call it “not my preferred outcome.” Nothing truly bad, just... not the way I planned it. Moment #1: I finally get my prescription for testosterone. I literally had to sit in my car for a while to cry and shake and let out the tension. (Well, okay, so I could have stuffed it back in - very much “the guy way” to handle it and my usual instinctive way of coping - but perhaps one of the blessings of my odd gender-screwed life is having learned that it’s sometimes better not to.) I’ve mostly done a pretty fair job of pretending not to be worried, but the knowledge that medical problems unrelated to trans...

And so it’s the New Year. It's not a 2015 that I ever expected to find myself in. Or maybe, more accurately, I’m not the self that I’d have previously expected to find here. (Trust me, this is NOT a complaint!) I’m not the type of person who generally makes New Year’s resolutions. I’ve found that I’m either ready to make a change, or I’m not; the symbolism of a fresh new year doesn’t really provide me with any greater sense of push, in the long run. But I do consider the New Year to be a time for pondering, looking backward and forward, and for that matter inward and outward... taking the lay of the land, as it were. Looking back, it’s been a year of unexpected experiences, directions, and accomplishments. (And also times of tremendous nervewracking strain... but we’ll leave that aside for the moment!) I’ve been called brave for coming out as Trans, after half a lifetime in a closet I didn’t dare even consciously recognize as a closet for many, many years. I admit, I wrestled w...